The other day, Sarah (my wife) called a medical business to retrieve some information about her past records. Knowing she’d be put on hold for a minimum of forever, she cranked the volume up on the speaker phone and placed it down on the counter.

See, this allows her to walk around the house with ease. All the while, static-pierced Barry Manilow tunes blast from the receiver and fill the air. It really makes for an enchanting time. Forget that I’m in a nearby room trying to work: Everyone must enjoy Sarah’s gift of music to the world – a keyboard instrumental of Looks Like We Made It, the extended version.

About a minute into the song – and a little unconscious humming on my part – the other end of the line starts to ring. “Hmmm, they’re closing the curtains on Barry earlier than usual.”

Sarah darts to the phone, kind of startled they answered so quickly. “Hello,” she says, then waits a moment. A very serious woman – maybe Manilow’s assistant or possibly a backup singer – replies:

“Your call is very important to us. Please wait and someone will be with you shortly.”

Click: Back to the hell that is Copacabana (the song, not the actual place in Rio de Janeiro). Sarah huffs, then proceeds by drowning her agitation in a can of Coke Zero. She’s hitting the hard stuff, and it’s only 2 p.m. Things must be bad.

For the next ten minutes, I listen to a symphony of background noises – guttural grunts from my annoyed wife, Calypso versions of Barry M., my child shouting fruit-drink induced gibberish at the cat…

“How did we get to this point?,” I think to myself.

All the while, the same message, “Your call is very important to us…” surfaces from time to time.

After about 15 minutes of this, I start to think about more pressing thoughts. Like, “Is Sarah’s call really so ‘important’ to the folks at this medical business?” I know that’s what Manilow’s lady friend keeps saying, but come on. When I receive an “important call,” I pretty much talk to the person right away. In fact, I have to speak at that very moment. What can I say, the suspense of not knowing makes me hit the Coke too – Coke Zero that is.

I look at it this way: When a friend calls, no one ever picks up the phone and says, “I really want to talk – just hang on for 20 minutes.” No, you do the decent thing. You screen the phone using caller ID. If the name takes priority over the television program at hand, then you chat. If it’s someone not so important, well, you don’t answer. Instead, just call them back when you’re damn well good and ready. That’s the polite way.  No need to leave them hanging on the line, while spouting falsehoods like, “Seriously, your calls important to us…”

I do have a point here. These days, bad marketing shows up in the strangest places. Of course, there’s plenty of it in television commercials and newspaper ads. But we see other subtle forms pop up in less obvious venues ( i.e. pre-recorded answering systems). Yes, believe it or not, your interactions with the customer – even while they’re on hold – are part of your overall marketing message. After all, it’s these moments when a customer decides if they want to spend any more time (money) dealing with your company. So, we should pick our words carefully during these long phone pauses. Don’t play a message every two minutes that insists the customer’s call is important, only to make them wait another hour. It’s just too transparent.

Businesses have schmoozed consumers for decades with slick talk, pretty images and reassurance that “You’re Number 1!” It’s kind of like those t-shirts that read “World’s Greatest Dad.” Sorry, there are just too many of them running around. Statistically, one of them has got to be a real bastard.

No, today’s consumer sees right through pseudo customer appreciation. You know – the company says one thing and does something totally different. Instead, honesty gains much more respect from buyers, increasing the chances they’ll do repeat business.

So let’s tell it like it is on those phone answering systems: “Why the hell are you still waiting on the line? We’re too busy to talk to you right now. Call back when it’s more convenient for us!”

Disclaimer: Bon’s Eye Marketing does not have a phone answering system (we can’t afford one.)

*Bon’s Eye’s editor-in-chief, Marita Bon, is volunteering on the publicity committee for this year’s Garden Show. She also recently became a member of the Friends of the Arboretum Board of Directors.

THE 2010 WILMINGTON GARDEN SHOW
Saturday, Feb. 13 – 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Sunday, Feb. 14 – 11 a.m. to 4 p.m.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Jan. 25, 2010

Press Contact:
Marita Bon
910-392-8106
mts1049@aol.com

Arboretum Contact:
Gary Levesque
910-798-7670
glevesque@nhcgov.com

Planners for the 2010 Wilmington Garden Show are offering free admission to all Friends of the Arboretum members, as well as discount coupons for the general public on the Arboretum web site.

Slated for Feb. 13-14 at the Cape Fear Community College Schwartz Center in downtown Wilmington, the popular annual event presents a two-day opportunity to join “Friends,” a nonprofit organization supporting the Arboretum’s educational programs, continuing development and grounds preservation. Besides free admission to the show, said Membership Chairperson Noreen Stokes, members get other perks, too.

“Friends of the Arboretum receive 10 percent off merchandise from select vendors at the show and a chance to win one of 10 gift certificates, valued at $50 each, to the upcoming Master Gardener Plant Sale in April,” she said.

“People can sign up or renew their memberships in the entrance to the show as they come in.”

Vendors offering discounts include The Transplanted Garden, Arboretum Potting Shed, Five Oaks nursery and Shelton Herb Farm, among others. “Plus, there are businesses that are not at the show that give the discount all year – we explain all that at the sign-up table,” Stokes said.

Friends of the Arboretum likewise can take advantage of a reciprocal garden agreement, she added, providing benefits at botanical sites around the country.

“This is a huge selling point. We give new members the list at the show, and it’s also on our web site http://www.nhcgov.com/AgnAndDpt/COOP/Pages/ArboretumMembership.aspx,” she said.

“The most popular memberships are individual for $30 and family for $40. Contributor level is $100 and generally draws folks that really love the Arboretum and want to offer a little more support.”

While boosting Arboretum membership is a major goal, anyone who wishes to enjoy the show can get a price break. Discount coupons for up to four attendees are available now on the Garden Show web site, www.nhcgov.com/AgnAndDpt/COOP/Pages/WilmingtonGardenShow.aspx.

This year’s event, which features more than 50 vendors selling hundreds of plants, products and services promises to be one of the biggest in the show’s 17-year history, said Melissa Hight, show chairperson.

“We have an exciting schedule of speakers on both days, with presentations on English gardens, lawn care, roses, camellias and hummingbirds. We also are premiering a brand new pink hydrangea named ‘Invincibelle Spirit,’ for sale exclusively at the show, and we have a wonderful Silent Auction planned,” Hight explained.

Event hours are 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Saturday and 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Sunday, with free parking on-site at the Schwartz Center. Admission is $7, or $5 with coupon. Friends of the Arboretum and children under 12 are free.

For more information on the 2010 show, visit www.gardeningnhc.org.

Is it motherhood, breaking the 30 barrier last year, being stuck indoors because of the “cold” weather…? Whatever the reason, I recently entered a crafty phase in my life. Please, don’t laugh – even though this is coming from the girl who can’t sew a button, tie a decent bow, cut a straight line, etc.

I’ve always looked up to those craftier than myself, which is just about anybody. My mom can sew, paint, make jewelry, marble… My sister Katie definitely inherited the artsy genes out of the three girls – I say that without a hint of jealousy:) My mother-in-law recently started her own custom jewelry business, and her queue remains full. My aunts can turn trash into works of art. My neighbor, Dawn, can wrap a gift that would be fit to give to royalty. I could go on and on.

So this year when my mom asked what I wanted for Christmas for the nth time, I half-jokingly said, “Um, how about a metal jewelry stamping set?” The night before I had been admiring some necklaces on Etsy.com and thought, “How hard could it be? Besides, I’m not paying $30 for that. Maybe $10 or $12…” Yes, I could have just put the necklace on my list. But like I said, something had brought my crafty cells to life.

What the heck was I thinking?!

So on Christmas morning instead of opening a jewelry box containing a necklace with Grayson’s name stamped on it, I received a Rubbermaid plastic bin filled with all the tools needed to make my own bling. Inside was a hammer, steel letters and numbers, BLANK sterling silver, brass discs as well as squares.

With a head full of ideas, names and quotes, I was ready to stamp. WRONG! It’s not as easy as it looks. First, there’s figuring out how to hit the stamp on practice Post-it’s (note: it’s nothing like hammering a nail). Then it’s trying to somewhat align the letters. The good part is that it doesn’t have to be “perfect,” which is part of why this could be the craft for me. Finally, you try not to psyche yourself when the actual metal blank is on the stamping block. My first piece: a nametag for Cohen. Luckily, he’s a dog and doesn’t care how bad it looks. I’ve done a few more, and while I have a ways to go before wearing anything I make, I’m having fun. I’ve also discovered pounding on metal works as a great stress reliever.

I assumed I was a one-craft woman until last weekend. While Grayson and his friend Sophie played, I interrogated Sophie’s mom about how she made the nameplate strung above her little one’s crib. I’ve kept one of Grayson’s walls blank, waiting to buy something to hang, stick, paint, etc. This was it! And Hilary assured me it was easy.

With a list of supplies, I headed to the craft store. I bought everything I needed and then some, coming out a card-carrying A.C. Moore Rewards member. That night I stayed up past 10 p.m. armed with paint, tape, scissors and glue. Success!

What’s next for this aspiring Martha Stewart? Maybe I’ll start a blog called Sarah and Martha that will chronicle my attempt to create my way through Martha Stewart’s Encyclopedia of Crafts: An A-to-Z Guide with Detailed Instructions and Endless Inspiration. Ha! I know my limitations. I’ll stick with one or two crafty aspirations – at least for now.

During the past few years, I’ve learned two things about marketing plans. First: They’re absolutely necessary for organized, continued outreach. Second: They can hinder success if not properly implemented.

Sounds a bit contradictory, I know. As we see it at Bon’s Eye, marketing works kind of like a road trip. You (the business) must sketch out a route to reach your destination: New consumers. Then you come up with a loose itinerary of planned pit stops – at least you do if you’re anal retentive like me!

As is the case with so many family adventures, you hit the highway with a set goal in mind. “Drive for two hours – take a restroom break. Drive for another two hours – grab a bite for lunch. That should put us halfway by afternoon…” Ahhh, to be vacation bound and idealistic!

In reality, our plans never quite work out so smooth. About 15 minutes into the drive, the kid needs a bathroom. Further down the road, someone in the car wants something to eat “Before I PASS OUT.” For the record, I’ve never actually seen that happen.

Rounding out the series of setbacks, detour signs litter the highway up ahead. You’re suddenly redirected through Shady Town U.S.A. – Population: 20 folks who like to stare, and one creepy old man spitting into an RC Cola can.

Before you can say “Where the hell are we?,” your itinerary has been completely uprooted. No more thoughts of record-setting time. No more visions of checking in ahead of schedule. Just you and a whole new list of goals – the main one being locking the doors and getting back to civilization.

Marketing poses the same massive speed bumps. You can either continue to go full speed over them (and totally screw up your alignment), or decelerate to adjust your approach. In certain scenarios, you might even opt to find a different avenue altogether.

See, following a marketing plan (like a roadmap – or GPS for you more techno-savvy drivers) is important to steer your business to where it’s going. However, sometimes we must shift gears or completely reroute to address new priorities.

For this reason, businesses should view their plan as a flexible guide, instead of a required call to action. Yes, the plan was drafted to assure that you drive with direction and purpose. However, the worst thing a company can do is rigidly stick to that course, even when new marketing demands arise in the roadway. That’s like barreling past a “closed bridge” sign in order to stay on the initial track. We all know how that ends.

We must be willing and able to readjust to meet ever-changing marketing needs. That’s why Bon’s Eye recommends implementing quarterly plans, as opposed to the standard 12-month variety.

Doing this every three months allows a business to truly evaluate the demands of the marketplace in real time. Your efforts will be more trend-appropriate and hip to what speaks to today’s current audience.

Plan openly – Drive with real progress!

Related post: We Can Learn About Marketing From Our Driving Habits