WILMINGTON, NC – In a move to quell the pain of a down economy, a North Carolina marketing firm announced plans today for a massive stimulus package. The effort focuses on businesses that want more consumers, face a shrinking customer base, and continue to spend money on ineffective PR efforts.

The firm, Bon’s Eye Marketing, revealed the news following more than three weeks of strategy tweaking. The final version of the package comes in the form of several consumer-generation campaigns, each designed to serve specific industries.

These include: Retail and restaurant; medical; banking; pharmaceutical and others. Bon’s Eye, which seemingly ripped a page from the congressional playbook, looks next week to disclose more details about the stimulus package’s individual sections.

“We want to introduce a new industry-related portion of the stimulus plan every other day, starting today with retail and restaurants,” said Stephen Bon, one of the firm’s founding members. “It just feels like that would be the most dramatic approach – you know, Capitol Hill style.”

Bon elaborated on the motivation fueling his firm’s stimulus push.

“We work with businesses all over the country,” he said. “A lot of operations are feeling the pinch turn into a full-blown death squeeze. Too many marketing efforts are coming up short, while costing a lot of money and time. This business-as-usual approach just won’t work when trying to get today’s consumers to purchase. It takes a new vision – that’s what we provide.”

Starting next week, Bon’s Eye Marketing will issue a series of press releases outlining specifics for every chapter of the package. Check back here on Monday, Feb. 23.

Meanwhile, view the first installment of the stimulus by clicking here.

This is a fake press release, but the stimulus plan is real. Let’s get you some more business.